Sometimes all it takes is one conversation - or more importantly, one sentence out of that conversation - to remind us how fragile life truly is.
One of my family members needed an emergency MRI last week and while my mom and I were talking about how difficult MRI's can be for some people, she mentioned my Dad.
After working for the construction company Kraus-Anderson for 30+ years, my Dad is now retired. We were always lucky, because he never had any bad accidents as carpenters often do. But all of that changed one day in the early/mid-80's.
My mom and I were going to my Grandma's house for a birthday party and my dad was going to meet us there later on (was working on a weekend job; they had a deadline). Almost as soon as we pulled into her driveway, my Aunt came running out yelling, "You need to get to the hospital! Jim's been in an accident!" That was the only information we were given. Our minds were racing while driving to the hospital, which seemed to take forever.
When we finally got to the hospital, we were met several of my Dad's co-workers. I knew then it was serious. Their expressions said it all.
He was down in a hole at the work site, when suddenly a thousand ton steel pole broke and came crashing down on him. Unable to escape, he was hit sideways; his face taking the blunt of it all. The entire side of his face was crushed. It was amazing even more damage wasn't done. He was extremely lucky to be alive.
As we approched his room, the Doctor explained he would be going in for surgery to have metal plates put in his face, where all the bone was crushed. I'll always remember when I saw my Dad in that hospital bed. He was all hooked up to different machines, the side of his face all swollen, horribly black and blue and bandaged up; with stitches above his eyes. He looked so helpless and so weak; it scared me. It was very strange for me to be on the opposite side of the hospital bed.
Over 20 years later, my dad is doing just fine. Every now and then the damp weather will make his face hurt, but other than that, he healed perfectly. Looking back, I realize just how close I came to being without a father. Our loved ones can be gone in an instant.
You may be asking, what does this have to do with an MRI and why can't my Dad ever have one? Well, I'll just say this: An MRI is basically like a magnet to your body and he has metal in his face. Enough said.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Poetry - "Salvation"
"Salvation"
Rescue the words
that are swimming within.
Are they too deep to grasp
or in shallow waters easy to obtain.
Gasping for air;
Will you dive into the unknown depth
or let them drown.
The water is cold on the body,
but the heart is warm;
giving strength and hope.
You taste the saltiness on your lips
And allow the tide to carry you in,
Giving it all to Him.
Trust is suddenly put into the ocean
you once feared.
You feel your cavity being filled with water,
as you finally allow your heart to love.
-2008-
written by me.
Rescue the words
that are swimming within.
Are they too deep to grasp
or in shallow waters easy to obtain.
Gasping for air;
Will you dive into the unknown depth
or let them drown.
The water is cold on the body,
but the heart is warm;
giving strength and hope.
You taste the saltiness on your lips
And allow the tide to carry you in,
Giving it all to Him.
Trust is suddenly put into the ocean
you once feared.
You feel your cavity being filled with water,
as you finally allow your heart to love.
-2008-
written by me.
Poetry - "Fallen Whispers"
"Fallen Whispers"
See the beauty in the trees.
As the leaves fall,
I think of you.
All the brilliant colors
shimmering from the morning dew.
So refreshing.
The beginning of a new day is here.
I watch the birds fly away
and reailze how content and happy I feel,
knowing that you are now a part of my life.
And as I pick up a fallen leaf from the ground,
I smile.
And I am thankful.
-2002-
written by me.
See the beauty in the trees.
As the leaves fall,
I think of you.
All the brilliant colors
shimmering from the morning dew.
So refreshing.
The beginning of a new day is here.
I watch the birds fly away
and reailze how content and happy I feel,
knowing that you are now a part of my life.
And as I pick up a fallen leaf from the ground,
I smile.
And I am thankful.
-2002-
written by me.
Poetry - "Praise"
"Praise"
Looking through
the stained glass window,
colors are beaming from the sunlight
and bouncing off my cheeks.
The warmth embraces me,
as I am surrounded in silence
and an overwhelming calmness.
I am not alone.
My eyes glance upward,
towards the sky
and I know that I am blessed;
for You are with me always.
A weightless sensation succumbs me
and my tribulations have vanished.
And while I look through
the stained glass window,
my heart is filled with gladness.
For I am finally at peace
and I thank You.
-2003-
written by me.
Looking through
the stained glass window,
colors are beaming from the sunlight
and bouncing off my cheeks.
The warmth embraces me,
as I am surrounded in silence
and an overwhelming calmness.
I am not alone.
My eyes glance upward,
towards the sky
and I know that I am blessed;
for You are with me always.
A weightless sensation succumbs me
and my tribulations have vanished.
And while I look through
the stained glass window,
my heart is filled with gladness.
For I am finally at peace
and I thank You.
-2003-
written by me.
Poetry - "Connection"
"Connection"
In dire need
The heart retreats
Into the palm
That is your hand.
A steadfast grasp
A squeeze so tight
And never once
Will you let go.
With deep conviction
In the eyes
You look inside
and see your soul.
The smile speaks
What lips cannot
The voice is heard
Within your touch.
For what you see
It is the soul,
connecting to another.
The grace and beauty of it all,
Life's greatest mystery.
-2007-
written by me.
In dire need
The heart retreats
Into the palm
That is your hand.
A steadfast grasp
A squeeze so tight
And never once
Will you let go.
With deep conviction
In the eyes
You look inside
and see your soul.
The smile speaks
What lips cannot
The voice is heard
Within your touch.
For what you see
It is the soul,
connecting to another.
The grace and beauty of it all,
Life's greatest mystery.
-2007-
written by me.
Perspectives of Life With Cerebral Palsy
Early last year, I was asked by a friend from high school if I would be interested in being interviewed for her college paper about people with disabilities. It didn't take long for me to think about it, because I actually enjoy talking about it. I believe it's important to educate people, especially about Cerebral Palsy and the misconceptions that tend to surround the disability.
When I was first given a copy of this paper, I shared it with only a select few very close friends. I have since decided to post it in a blog, to share it with whomever would like to learn more about me.
I am also going to include a poem I wrote in 2007 about life with Cerebral Palsy. I thought it would be nice to post that poem along with it. That way, you'll get to learn more about me from two different perspectives.
Thank you everyone for allowing me to share my life and for being interested in it. I appreciate you taking the time to read my blogs and getting to know me a bit more. If anyone has any questions for me regarding CP, feel free to ask and I will answer them as best I can.
By the way, she got an A on the paper lol.
-------
I conducted an interview with Tamara Cross at Starbucks coffee house in Faribault, Minnesota on Monday, February 18th, 2008. I went to high school with Tamara. She graduated the year ahead of me. Tamara is 4'11". She has blonde hair and blue eyes. She is 33 years old and is a friend of a friend. Looking at her waiting for her drink at the counter at Starbucks, I could not tell that anything was wrong with her. I told her that and she said, "That is the highest compliment that you can give a disabled person: telling them that you didn't know anything was wrong with them." When she walked to the table, I could see that her walking was unbalanced, but it looked like she was a baby taking her first steps. It did not look as though she was disabled. Her legs were not turned in at all like I expected in a disabled person.
Tamara has cerebral palsy. She was born at a weight of 2 pounds, 4 ounces with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. She was not breathing when she was born. When the doctor did get her breathing, she had bronchitis and pneumonia and had to be in an incubator for 3 months; where she lost weight and was just over a pound. Her parents did not know that something was wrong until she started walking. She would hang on to things to get up and she would always walk on her toes. Her parents took her to see many doctors to try to see why she was walking so funny. The doctors kept telling her parents that she was mentally retarded. Her parents kept telling the doctors, "No. There does not seem to be that wrong with her. It seems to be in her legs." It was finally at Mayo Clinic when she was a little more than a year old that a surgeon final said that it was cerebral palsy.
Tamara has had a total of nine operations in her life to try to get her walking corrected. Her first operation was when she was three years old, the last when she was 15. She has had surgeries inside of her ankles, two were done behind the knees and then a hip surgery when she was ten years old to put metal plates on both side of her hips that left her in a body cast from her feet going all the way up her legs and torso. Those plates were later removed at the age of 15.
Tamara does not feel that she has experienced any discrimination in employment. She worked at JC Penney in Faribault for a year when she was in high school in the Children's Department. She enjoyed the job, but she got stress fractures on her feet from standing up so much. That was painful for her and she found out that she really cannot do jobs which require prolonged standing. She went to college for Radio Broadcasting and had a job as a radio announcer at KRUE 92 in Waseca for four years before being laid off. Then she worked at Rust Consulting doing customer service for four and a half years before being laid off from there as well.
Tamara does not need assistance with daily living activities or on the job. The only assistance she needs on the job is that it must be a "sit down" job, so that she does not have to stand up and put any pressure on her feet or legs. But even then, she needs to get up and walk around often, otherwise her feet and ankels get swollen. She had a blood clot in her leg while working at Rust Consulting, due to prolonged sitting. She does have her mom come over to her apartment once a week to help her with her laundry because she cannot carry and walk with the laundry baskets. Her mom also goes grocery shopping with her, to help her lift the grocery bags. When she goes to the Mall of America, she will go with friends and get a wheel chair, so that she doesn't have to walk the mall. She does have a car and drives herself. She is a very able person.
Tamara did not know what to say when asked "How do you think your disability has impacted your family members?" She said that her parents just kept taking her to doctors to see what was wrong and see what needed to be done for her. She thinks their attitude was, "This is our little girl and we're going to do whatever we need to for her." She is an only child and the light of her parents' eyes.
Getting around in high school was difficult for Tamara. Our school was two stories and there wasn't an elevator, so Tamara had a hard time getting up and down the stairs to get to classes. However, her teachers would let her out of class early so that she could start the climb up to the second floor for her next class. She did not need to use the learning center. She was a good student. Her disability is only physical; she doesn't have any learning disabilities.
Tamara has been teased because of her disability. She said that it has not been by people that she knows; but people talk about her in front of her. Kids will point and stare. It is hurtful for her. She does not mind questions, so she prefers that they ask her about it.
When asked, "How do you feel about being a person with a disability?" Tamara said she wouldn't change a thing. She likes who she is, disability and all.
I felt that the interview experience was great. I was very nervous before it started, but I am glad I did it. I like to hear other people's stories. I like to see how they got to where they are today and what made them who they are today.
I noticed that Tamara did say some of the same things that have been said in the videotapes in class. She wants to live a normal, independent life, like everyone. She wants to be accepted for herself, not as a person with a disability but as a person, period.
When I was first given a copy of this paper, I shared it with only a select few very close friends. I have since decided to post it in a blog, to share it with whomever would like to learn more about me.
I am also going to include a poem I wrote in 2007 about life with Cerebral Palsy. I thought it would be nice to post that poem along with it. That way, you'll get to learn more about me from two different perspectives.
Thank you everyone for allowing me to share my life and for being interested in it. I appreciate you taking the time to read my blogs and getting to know me a bit more. If anyone has any questions for me regarding CP, feel free to ask and I will answer them as best I can.
By the way, she got an A on the paper lol.
-------
I conducted an interview with Tamara Cross at Starbucks coffee house in Faribault, Minnesota on Monday, February 18th, 2008. I went to high school with Tamara. She graduated the year ahead of me. Tamara is 4'11". She has blonde hair and blue eyes. She is 33 years old and is a friend of a friend. Looking at her waiting for her drink at the counter at Starbucks, I could not tell that anything was wrong with her. I told her that and she said, "That is the highest compliment that you can give a disabled person: telling them that you didn't know anything was wrong with them." When she walked to the table, I could see that her walking was unbalanced, but it looked like she was a baby taking her first steps. It did not look as though she was disabled. Her legs were not turned in at all like I expected in a disabled person.
Tamara has cerebral palsy. She was born at a weight of 2 pounds, 4 ounces with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. She was not breathing when she was born. When the doctor did get her breathing, she had bronchitis and pneumonia and had to be in an incubator for 3 months; where she lost weight and was just over a pound. Her parents did not know that something was wrong until she started walking. She would hang on to things to get up and she would always walk on her toes. Her parents took her to see many doctors to try to see why she was walking so funny. The doctors kept telling her parents that she was mentally retarded. Her parents kept telling the doctors, "No. There does not seem to be that wrong with her. It seems to be in her legs." It was finally at Mayo Clinic when she was a little more than a year old that a surgeon final said that it was cerebral palsy.
Tamara has had a total of nine operations in her life to try to get her walking corrected. Her first operation was when she was three years old, the last when she was 15. She has had surgeries inside of her ankles, two were done behind the knees and then a hip surgery when she was ten years old to put metal plates on both side of her hips that left her in a body cast from her feet going all the way up her legs and torso. Those plates were later removed at the age of 15.
Tamara does not feel that she has experienced any discrimination in employment. She worked at JC Penney in Faribault for a year when she was in high school in the Children's Department. She enjoyed the job, but she got stress fractures on her feet from standing up so much. That was painful for her and she found out that she really cannot do jobs which require prolonged standing. She went to college for Radio Broadcasting and had a job as a radio announcer at KRUE 92 in Waseca for four years before being laid off. Then she worked at Rust Consulting doing customer service for four and a half years before being laid off from there as well.
Tamara does not need assistance with daily living activities or on the job. The only assistance she needs on the job is that it must be a "sit down" job, so that she does not have to stand up and put any pressure on her feet or legs. But even then, she needs to get up and walk around often, otherwise her feet and ankels get swollen. She had a blood clot in her leg while working at Rust Consulting, due to prolonged sitting. She does have her mom come over to her apartment once a week to help her with her laundry because she cannot carry and walk with the laundry baskets. Her mom also goes grocery shopping with her, to help her lift the grocery bags. When she goes to the Mall of America, she will go with friends and get a wheel chair, so that she doesn't have to walk the mall. She does have a car and drives herself. She is a very able person.
Tamara did not know what to say when asked "How do you think your disability has impacted your family members?" She said that her parents just kept taking her to doctors to see what was wrong and see what needed to be done for her. She thinks their attitude was, "This is our little girl and we're going to do whatever we need to for her." She is an only child and the light of her parents' eyes.
Getting around in high school was difficult for Tamara. Our school was two stories and there wasn't an elevator, so Tamara had a hard time getting up and down the stairs to get to classes. However, her teachers would let her out of class early so that she could start the climb up to the second floor for her next class. She did not need to use the learning center. She was a good student. Her disability is only physical; she doesn't have any learning disabilities.
Tamara has been teased because of her disability. She said that it has not been by people that she knows; but people talk about her in front of her. Kids will point and stare. It is hurtful for her. She does not mind questions, so she prefers that they ask her about it.
When asked, "How do you feel about being a person with a disability?" Tamara said she wouldn't change a thing. She likes who she is, disability and all.
I felt that the interview experience was great. I was very nervous before it started, but I am glad I did it. I like to hear other people's stories. I like to see how they got to where they are today and what made them who they are today.
I noticed that Tamara did say some of the same things that have been said in the videotapes in class. She wants to live a normal, independent life, like everyone. She wants to be accepted for herself, not as a person with a disability but as a person, period.
"I Have"
Have you ever asked someone
if it hurts when they run?
If their legs get tired,
simply from walking a short distance?
I have.
Have you ever had to explain to someone
the difference between the words:
Disability and Handicapped,
and to find out they didn't realize there was a difference?
I have.
Life's a funny thing sometimes.
Children can be cruel.
Laughing, staring, pointing;
anything to bring attention.
But you handle it.
Adults are most often worse.
Life's a funny thing sometimes.
They should know better.
Be more educated,
more mature.
But you handle it.
You learn to live with it.
Second nature.
Have you ever have to see your parents
crying in the distance,
as they watch you being wheeled into your
"second home"?
AKA the operating room.
The feeling of being scared,
but yet having to be strong for them
and for yourself?
Afterall, after nine operations
You'd think you'd be a pro.
I have.
Second nature.
It's amazing how one's life can change and often improve,
thanks to another's training and magical hands.
Being used to the inability to stand up straight
or walk "normal",
and suddenly, you're "ok".
At least, in your mind.
Never take physical ability for granted.
Some 32 year olds have no idea what the feeling is like,
to run like the wind.
To jump.
To ride a bike.
To sit Indian style while looking through photo albums on the livingroom floor.
Would you handle it?
Could you handle it?
How do I handle it?
It's second nature.
Would I change it?
Never.
It's all I know, it's who I am.
It's normal... to me.
It's living with my "disability".
-2007-
written by me.
Have you ever asked someone
if it hurts when they run?
If their legs get tired,
simply from walking a short distance?
I have.
Have you ever had to explain to someone
the difference between the words:
Disability and Handicapped,
and to find out they didn't realize there was a difference?
I have.
Life's a funny thing sometimes.
Children can be cruel.
Laughing, staring, pointing;
anything to bring attention.
But you handle it.
Adults are most often worse.
Life's a funny thing sometimes.
They should know better.
Be more educated,
more mature.
But you handle it.
You learn to live with it.
Second nature.
Have you ever have to see your parents
crying in the distance,
as they watch you being wheeled into your
"second home"?
AKA the operating room.
The feeling of being scared,
but yet having to be strong for them
and for yourself?
Afterall, after nine operations
You'd think you'd be a pro.
I have.
Second nature.
It's amazing how one's life can change and often improve,
thanks to another's training and magical hands.
Being used to the inability to stand up straight
or walk "normal",
and suddenly, you're "ok".
At least, in your mind.
Never take physical ability for granted.
Some 32 year olds have no idea what the feeling is like,
to run like the wind.
To jump.
To ride a bike.
To sit Indian style while looking through photo albums on the livingroom floor.
Would you handle it?
Could you handle it?
How do I handle it?
It's second nature.
Would I change it?
Never.
It's all I know, it's who I am.
It's normal... to me.
It's living with my "disability".
-2007-
written by me.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Three More Angels in Heaven
They always say everything happens in three's.
Last week was sad in the world of "icons" when we lost some very special people. First Ed McMahon, then Farrah and finally Michael. Whether you were a fan of theirs or not, it cannot be disputed that each were (and will continue to be) icons in their own right.
I will admit, I was not a "big" Ed McMahon fan; and I didn't know a lot about him, other than what was shown on tv (being Johnny's side-kick, hosting Star Search, co-hosting the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon and the commercials he and Dick Clark did for Publisher's Clearing House). That being said, I still realize and appreciate what he did for the entertainment business. Since his death, I've learned more about him and unfortunately, I think the most important thing he did with his life, will be overlooked; and that is all the military duties he performed prior to being in the public eye. The world not only lost an asset to the entertainment industry, but most importantly, a decorated millitarian who fought for his country during WWII. We should all be grateful.
Farrah Fawcett. I always liked her. She was my second favorite 'Angel' and I even had that infamous poster when I was younger (years after it was originally released). Even though she will always be most remembered for "Charlie's Angels", I will always remember her from "The Burning Bed". Her performance in that film was so moving and intense for me, it left a permanent impact on my life. I didn't see her as just an actor. I saw her as someone who spoke for domestic violence. She brought it to life and made people stand up and pay attention. During the last 2 years of her life, Farrah became the "face" of cancer, in a sense. She showed people that even when facing fear and uncertainty, you can be strong. She may have essentially lost the fight against cancer, but she won against fear and I hope for that, she will always be remembered. You truly are an Angel now, Farrah.
One of the first "pin-ups" I ever had on my wall back in 1984, was Michael Jackson. Well, there were four people actually: Olivia Newton-John (no surprise there, right? lol), Ralph Macchio (The Karate Kid), Madonna and Michael. I'll always remember what each of them looked like and Michael's was the one of him in the pastel yellow shirt with a white vest. That was the Michael I was a fan of; from the 70's and 80's, before all the plastic surgery and well, weirdness took over. Since his very unexpected death on Thursday, I have found myself SO utterly disappointed in people. No one truly knows what happened in his private life, except those involved and none of us lived his life. Therefore, no one has a right to be so expressive in saying such tasteless and tacky things about him. Do not judge. Regardless if you are a fan of his or not, you can not ignore the tremendous impact he had on the musical community. Without him, so many of the performers we know and love today, would probably not even be here, had he not inspired them. May Michael be remembered for his immense talent and the profound impact he made on music; not the controversy that surrounded his life.
On a side note: The first cassette's I ever bought with my own money were Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" and The Jacksons' "Victory", back in 1984. (FYI - My favorite song on the "Victory" album was and still is, "State of Shock" - which is a duet by MJ and Mick Jagger. The only part I didn't like, was Mick's corney suduction by saying "Look at me" at the end lol ) My parents and I went to K-Mart. They had to push me in a wheelchair, because I just had hip surgery that summer and was still healing. All the "Best Selling" cassette's were in a glass case. I remember being very excited to finally some music I bought myself lol. :)
Thank you Ed, Farrah and Michael for touching our lives the only way each of you knew how. You will all be greatly missed.
Last week was sad in the world of "icons" when we lost some very special people. First Ed McMahon, then Farrah and finally Michael. Whether you were a fan of theirs or not, it cannot be disputed that each were (and will continue to be) icons in their own right.
I will admit, I was not a "big" Ed McMahon fan; and I didn't know a lot about him, other than what was shown on tv (being Johnny's side-kick, hosting Star Search, co-hosting the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon and the commercials he and Dick Clark did for Publisher's Clearing House). That being said, I still realize and appreciate what he did for the entertainment business. Since his death, I've learned more about him and unfortunately, I think the most important thing he did with his life, will be overlooked; and that is all the military duties he performed prior to being in the public eye. The world not only lost an asset to the entertainment industry, but most importantly, a decorated millitarian who fought for his country during WWII. We should all be grateful.
Farrah Fawcett. I always liked her. She was my second favorite 'Angel' and I even had that infamous poster when I was younger (years after it was originally released). Even though she will always be most remembered for "Charlie's Angels", I will always remember her from "The Burning Bed". Her performance in that film was so moving and intense for me, it left a permanent impact on my life. I didn't see her as just an actor. I saw her as someone who spoke for domestic violence. She brought it to life and made people stand up and pay attention. During the last 2 years of her life, Farrah became the "face" of cancer, in a sense. She showed people that even when facing fear and uncertainty, you can be strong. She may have essentially lost the fight against cancer, but she won against fear and I hope for that, she will always be remembered. You truly are an Angel now, Farrah.
One of the first "pin-ups" I ever had on my wall back in 1984, was Michael Jackson. Well, there were four people actually: Olivia Newton-John (no surprise there, right? lol), Ralph Macchio (The Karate Kid), Madonna and Michael. I'll always remember what each of them looked like and Michael's was the one of him in the pastel yellow shirt with a white vest. That was the Michael I was a fan of; from the 70's and 80's, before all the plastic surgery and well, weirdness took over. Since his very unexpected death on Thursday, I have found myself SO utterly disappointed in people. No one truly knows what happened in his private life, except those involved and none of us lived his life. Therefore, no one has a right to be so expressive in saying such tasteless and tacky things about him. Do not judge. Regardless if you are a fan of his or not, you can not ignore the tremendous impact he had on the musical community. Without him, so many of the performers we know and love today, would probably not even be here, had he not inspired them. May Michael be remembered for his immense talent and the profound impact he made on music; not the controversy that surrounded his life.
On a side note: The first cassette's I ever bought with my own money were Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" and The Jacksons' "Victory", back in 1984. (FYI - My favorite song on the "Victory" album was and still is, "State of Shock" - which is a duet by MJ and Mick Jagger. The only part I didn't like, was Mick's corney suduction by saying "Look at me" at the end lol ) My parents and I went to K-Mart. They had to push me in a wheelchair, because I just had hip surgery that summer and was still healing. All the "Best Selling" cassette's were in a glass case. I remember being very excited to finally some music I bought myself lol. :)
Thank you Ed, Farrah and Michael for touching our lives the only way each of you knew how. You will all be greatly missed.
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